Wonderfully at peace...

I recently read the book I Will Carry You by Angie Smith, which I highly recommend. It is a beautiful journey of seeing Christ in the midst of your grief. In the book she has a quote from the book from The Hiding Place by Corrie Ten Boom. In this excerpt, Corrie describes a scene in which she asks her father a difficult question.

He turned to look at me, as he always did when answering a question, but to my surprise he said nothing. At last he stood up, lifting his traveling case from the rack over our heads, and set it on the floor. 

"Will you carry it off the train, Corrie?" he said. 

I stood up and tugged at it. It was crammed with the watches and spare parts he had purchased that morning. 

"It's too heavy." I said. 

"Yes," he said. "And I would be a pretty poor father who would ask his daughter to carry such a load. It's the same way, Corrie, with knowledge. Some knowledge is too heavy for children. When you are older and stronger you can bear it. For now you must trust me to carry it for you." 

And I was satisfied. More than satisfied - wonderfully at peace. There were answers to this and all my hard questions - for now I was content to leave them in my father's keeping. 

I love this. It's such a great reminder of how freeing it is to trust in the Lord completely. There are lots of unknowns in our journey right now and it has been such an amazing time of leaning on Him alone. To not worry about what the future holds, but to know that I find my joy in the hands of my Savior. I am grateful for this truth. I am grateful for His peace.

Homesick

Ok...for those of you that don't know already, we recently moved to Mountain View, California (right outside of San Francisco). We have been here since the end of May. My husband and his business partner got accepted into a program that could potentially help them work on their company full time. It is an amazing opportunity and we have felt from the beginning that God has been leading us in this direction. We all moved in to one 1,500 sq ft house (the cost of living out here is insane). So there are 4 adults and 5 children walking this journey together. There are kids in closets and clothing in cabinets, but it has worked.

It has truly been amazing. I have had to rely on God in ways I never was forced to before. Don't get me wrong, mentally I thought I relied on him for everything, but the truth is that when everything you are so familiar with (I've basically lived in the same area my whole life) is stripped from you, you quickly realize just how much you rely on the things of this world. Not bad things in and of themselves....just not eternal.

In all honesty, the past few weeks have been really tough for me. I've missed home like never before. I miss running in to my neighbors on the way to get groceries. I miss my family. I miss the grandparents just stopping by to see the kids. I miss my church. I miss cook outs at my sister-in-laws and watching the cousins play. Believe it or not....I actually miss thunderstorms! And every time I have these thoughts I get homesick.

The reality is that we are kind of in limbo right now. Not knowing exactly what our future location will be. San Francisco....Birmingham....somewhere in between? This is hard for a "planner" like me to deal with. It scares me. It reminds me that I am not in control. I feel like I don't know what tomorrow holds and it unnerves me. But the truth is that even in Birmingham I didn't know what tomorrow would bring. Or whether it would come at all. James 4:13-16 says, "Come now, you who say, 'Today or tomorrow we will go into such and such a town and spend a year there and trade and make a profit' - yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little time and then vanishes. Instead you ought to say, 'If the Lord wills, we will live and do this or that.' As it is, you boast in your arrogance. All such boasting is evil." Oh how grateful I am for this reminder!

This entire experience has reminded me what truly satisfies. Christ and Christ alone. Not Birmingham. Not my location. Not the things of this earth. But Jesus Christ. Whether He has us here for 2 years, 2 months or 2 minutes. To be with Him is why I am ultimately homesick. Oh how I long to see Him!!

The truth is I am grateful. Grateful for the unknown. Grateful for the opportunity to live more sacrificially. Grateful to meet new people. Grateful for how he is drawing me closer to Him daily. Grateful for the challenges. And although I miss home, I find so much peace in knowing that Heaven is truly my home and that Christ is all I need.

In the meantime though....I might have to get off Facebook a little more so my husband doesn't find me weeping over kid's running in the rain back home! :)

Why I stopped blogging...

Ok...for the few of you that actually followed me when I blogged, I'm guessing you noticed that I kind of just, well...stopped. It wasn't an intentional thing. I don't think I was really even sure why when it happened. I just knew I didn't enjoy it anymore.

The truth is that I like to make lists. Not necessarily written down (although I enjoy those too), but my head is generally one giant ongoing list. I think this can be really helpful at times. What do I need at the grocery store? How will I tackle this mess? What is left to do before we leave? What will we need for this outing? Etc...

The problem is when I let this gift that God has given me for attention to detail to be used in a fleshly manner. I end up putting things on my "list" that never belonged there in the first place. People. Relationships. God.

The other day we were getting out of our car and Isaac hoped out of his seat. Ben had already taken Ava Grace inside and I was standing in the drive way as my 3 year old (very slowly) began to empty his shoes of sand. (We had just gotten back from the park.) I stood there, admittedly very impatient while he just talked about how much fun he had and kept getting distracted from the job he was trying to do. I sat and tapped my foot and just kept thinking about the next thing I needed to do while my son continued to share all about his day with me in the middle of the driveway.

I'm sure many of you can relate to this little scenario. The thing that occurred to me in that moment is that I couldn't figure out why I was in such a rush. We didn't have any agenda when we came inside. There was no dinner to hurry and cook. It wasn't close to bath time. I didn't need to get something done before everyone else got home. Nothing. Just the "next" thing.

For me it is easy to turn everything in to a task and forget to appreciate life's little moments. You know, all those moments that add up to how we ultimately worship. This is definitely why the verse "Be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 46:10) always speaks to me. I think God has given me an attention to detail and for that I am grateful. But I am also grateful that the Holy Spirit continually reminds me to "be still." To not get caught up in making lists and twisting things that I love into something they are not.

So...who knows. Hopefully I will be better at blogging this time. I just want to keep in mind that this not a task....it is a joy.

Have you ever seen such a clean bumper??

Ben and I washed my car this past weekend and Isaac decided to help. He was soaking wet by the end. We finally just stripped him down to his diaper and let him play with the hose. He's so much fun right now. He copies everything we do....especially everything he sees his Daddy do!

Two for Three

So I tried to get Isaac to do 3 of his tricks, but only succeeded at two. Oh well...still pretty good for an 18 month old. :)

4th of July at the Lake!

So this year we went to the lake for the 4th. It was the first time with Isaac. On the way there, Isaac only napped for 20 minutes in the car and then when we put him down he did ok until people started shooting fireworks a night early. The first night there was definitely rough, but Ben and I finally just got in the bed with him and he calmed down. Even though traveling with an 18 month old is really difficult and Isaac had some tough moments, it was such an amazing trip. It was so good to spend time with family and let Isaac swim and play and ride the boat. He was so cute following all of his cousins around playing with them. It is so weird to look at my little baby and realize that he is growing into a little boy. It just goes by so quick!!

Here is a video of him at the Wal-Mart we stopped at on the way. He wanted to push the cart and if you listen really closely you can hear him saying "Wee...Wee...Wee." Who knew pushing a grocery cart could be so much fun?!

Here is a video of his first real ice cream at the Marina. He has had a bite or two from mine or Ben's before, but this was the first time we really let him dive in. As you can tell he LOVED it! You have to ignore how bad we both looked. The plumbing wasn't working at the lake so this is day 2 of no showers! Isaac had so much sunscreen in his hair that we just had fun styling it. ;)

How to Diet with a Toddler...

So here is a typical lunch at home with my 17 month old...

Put Isaac in his high chair

Watch as our dog begins his approach

Watch dog pant and beg before food is even on Isaac's tray

Put some deli meat on Isaac's tray

Watch as Isaac takes one bite and then feeds 2 bites to dog

Mommy: "No Isaac! That food is for you....not for the dog."

Watch Isaac take the next 2 bites

Go and cut up fruit and cheese

Return to find Isaac with an empty tray and dog on the floor eating the mounds of food Isaac has provided

Give Isaac more food with another lecture about not feeding the dog

Watch as he eats a few more bites

Mommy goes to clean up

Returns to find Isaac waving his hands and saying "All done"

Feeling pretty satisfied about a successful lunch

Dog walks off licking his lips to go lay down

Isaac walks off to chase dog

Mommy finally sits down to enjoy her lunch

Watch as Isaac makes his approach

Wait as Isaac crawls in my lap to smack his lips and beg for food

Feed Isaac most of my lunch

Put Isaac down for his nap licking his lips and patting his VERY full belly

Too tired of cooking and cleaning to fix a third lunch

Sit down happy that at least the dog and my child are full and satisfied

Ahhh....the life of a mom! :)